Looking Back.

Genesis 19:26 tells us Lot's wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Many other places in the Bible, though, tell us we are to remember. To tell yesterday's stories to our children and grandchildren. Deuteronomy 4 is all about remembering who God is and how God has been with us, and telling those stories to the kids.

Tonight the rain is coming down outside and I am looking back. I didn't intend to look back. I came into the office tonight to sort through files. (One of the things I try to do is leave a sparkling clean set of files for whoever follows me.) So I have been sorting...tossing...keeping... writing notes on files that need to be re-labeled.

I keep finding things. A wonderful Advent hymn a friend found on the United Methodist web site years ago. I look at the hymn and the words are a gift.

There is a file on The Green Room. Some of you may remember that TUMC got creative as we tried to reach out to young adults, and Trinity opened up a coffee shop in downtown Elkhart. As a place where young adults -and people of all ages- could gather. The coffee was good, the food was just fine, and the music was cool...but we closed it after a few years.

Fifteen years ago Trinity had three Sunday morning worship services. All were wonderful and all were essentially the same. We weren't reaching a new generation. So one of the files I came across is all about the creation of a "Contemporary Worship Task Force." Our leaders were putting that together as early as January of 1997. There are song lists. Some of them would embarrass us now, I suppose. And I remember that week after week, long after the "Celebration!" service was begun (bet you had forgotten that name!), our staff got headaches as we worked through the "bugs" in our primitive sound/projection system. We wanted our worship to glorify God and we wanted it to be excellent in every way...and some weeks it was!

There are names, too. Names of people I married. Names of friends, of saints, like June and John and Helen, whose funeral services I was privileged to lead. People whose faith and love and sense of humor and generosity has marked me forever.

So tonight I am looking back. And I don't feel salty at all. I feel blessed...thankful...gifted.

The words to that Advent hymn by a Jesus follower named Kilgore? They are in part these: I am here in the stars, in the dark of the night. I am always within you, and I am the light. I am who I am, sings the God of my soul. In your waiting and home I am making you whole.

Sometimes stopping and looking back is a very, very good thing, you know?

You Sure Have a Lot of Junk!

One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is having Ella and Olivia here. (Of course, it is very cool having their mom and dad, Joleen and Bryan, and our youngest son, Michael, here!) Ella came into my office here at the house the other night. She looked at the stacks of books on the floor. She noticed a Billy Bass sitting on the floor by the books, the Matchbox cars, the life-size cardboard cutout of Mr. Spock from Star Trek, and laughed, "You sure have a lot of junk, Grandpa!"

We began pushing the red button on the plaque holding Billy Bass, listened to the music, and both girls smiled...danced.

In the middle of the hard work of sorting, packing, and moving there is the opportunity to sort through your junk. Because we all have stuff we pick up along the way, don't we? Some of it may be old cassette tapes or books or Christmas gifts we never used or needed. Or it may be attitudes we were taught...picked up along the way.

I read an article today about a pastor who wanted to plant a church. Through interviews, personality inventories, and checking the pastor's past it turned out that he had an anger problem. When people tried to talk with him about this the man became furious. Confirmed the hunch of the interview team. So with that man the junk he carried with him was a tendency to let anger control.

Another friend lives with the voice of someone who told her, a long time ago, "You'll never do things right...or enough good stuff." So she carries this voice around in her head that is constantly critical.

What is your junk?

Jesus was always offering people the opportunity to accept the forgiveness of God and leave their junk behind. God forgives the messes of our past, and through the power of the Holy Spirit we are given a chance to do life differently in the future.

Ella -as I am writing this- just walked in my office and said, again, "You sure have a lot of junk, Grandpa!" As she stood looking at all this stuff (old photos, books, toy cars, etc.) she said, "Why do you have so much junk?"

Not a bad question to leave you with...

Thanks for the Little Moments.

Life has all sorts of surprises along the way, you know? God shows up and sends our lives off in unexpected directions.

So here we are. Two months ago I was heading back to Trinity for an expected new chapter of 2-4 (more?) years of ministry and life. A phone call came my way a month ago, and now I am sorting files in my office...doing ministry while getting ready to shift to a new place.

An old friend said when there is a pastoral change it is like a congregation is having a funeral while planning for a wedding. There are tears. There is grief. People say, "So soon?" (Of course there may be a few who shrug and say, "How did it take this long for this to happen?") Folks are talking about blessing us, saying goodbye, and at the same time leaders of the church are getting ready for a new chapter. Thinking about a new start with someone God will send our way.

My role is shifting. I can feel it happening as each day goes by. From teaching and guiding my role is shifting to preaching and blessing. Oh, the other day in staff I led our team in a conversation about coaching and leadership and teamwork. But those moments will now slow to trickle and I'll be doing two things: focusing on preaching and blessing people...and receiving blessings.

It's happening all the time. I am getting notes in my email each day. Sweet words. When I go to the Y or step into a coffee shop, people stop me...they talk...they bless me. So getting anywhere can be a slow process! I am intentionally lingering with people...soaking up every blessed moment. Looking people in the eyes.

Preaching, as it always have, will get the best investment of time and heart and soul I have to offer. I remember talking with a pastor, years ago, who in the month before retirement was preaching recycled sermons. That news broke my heart. I thought, "You have a chance to sum up what you believe...what this is all about...to bless your people as they step into a new future... and you are going through the motions." When time is short it isn't time to go on auto-pilot but to use each minute in the pulpit as faithfully and gracefully and honestly as you can.

Things seem lighter. My role is shifting. It's about those blessed little moments when God gives me chances to bless others and receive a blessing. To, as best we can, talk about what God has done in us and between us and through us. They are little moments...but they're not so little.

Ecclesiastes (4) says there is a time for everything. A time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to scatter and a time to gather, a time to embrace and a time to step back, a time to keep and a time to let go: these days are somehow a mixture of holding and letting go. I let go of the work, of the role I may have played, but I am holding onto people...savoring that...every word, every smile, every moment shared.